


The Sunlight We Felt That Day

by injeolmini



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anohana AU, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, M/M, Sadness, Summer, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 03:53:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15677508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/injeolmini/pseuds/injeolmini
Summary: One hot summer day, Mark's childhood friend Lee Donghyuck, appears and pesters him to grant a forgotten wish.





	1. Prologue

Mark was ready to waste his summer away, peacefully alone, eating watermelon every day and blasting summer vibes from his speakers, until he wakes up one sweltering morning with his childhood friend lying next to him. The sight of Donghyuck is quite a lot for mark to take in. He has grown up so much, but his cheeky smile is still the same, just as radiant and just as beautiful. Mark felt his breath hitch as he falls in love with Donghyuck all over again.

Donghyuck tells him that he needs one wish to be fulfilled.

It’s been 10 years, Mark silently pleads to himself.

_I did my best to forget about you. Why should I care?_

Maybe he is hallucinating due to the summer heat. Or maybe the ramen he ate last night expired? It must have, because his brain is messed up now.

Mark thinks he has gone insane, because his eyes are taking in soft features of Lee Donghyuck, Mark’s first love who passed away 10 years ago.


	2. Super! Peace Bros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun has lost count of how many days Mark has missed school, or how many times he has visited Mark to hand him his own class notes. One summer day, as Renjun walks along the usual path to Mark's apartment with fresh neatly written notes in his hands, he thinks back to 10 years ago.

Renjun thinks back to the time when it was the six of them at the secret base, a small wooden cabin hidden in the forest, by the river.  
They called themselves the “Super! Peace Bros”. 

“Super!” was Lucas’s idea. Fitting, since 9-year-old Lucas was the human embodiment of an exclamation mark.  
“Peace” was Jaemin’s suggestion. With Lucas and Mark in the team, Jaemin thought peace would be a necessary and crucial addition.  
Which leaves “Bros”, Mark’s proudest contribution to the team. 

Renjun swore to never let this title leave his mouth. 

Lucas was the oldest of the team. Which meant Mark was their leader. He remembers shuddering at the thought of Lucas leading them into chaos and...loudness.  
Mark being a leader was a given since he was the most confident, the most heroic, courageous person Renjun has ever met. Renjun thinks back to the times they ran after him through the forest, listening to his directions and following his every step. Renjun remembers the sight of Mark’s red cape fluttering in front of him, the sound of his voice unwavering and strong. It’s been 10 years and Renjun still holds onto this precious memory. 

He wonders if the banner is still there hanging inside the cabin. “Super! Peace Bros” in painted in bold messy writing. When he closes his eyes, he can still see the drawings he painted with Hyuck on the banner. Renjun drew variations of Moomin while Hyuck tried his best to draw Mark. 

“What is that?!” Mark exclaimed into Donghyuck’s ear, leaning close to him to hook his chin in the crook of Donghyuck’s neck. Renjun tore his gaze away from them. There’s an ugly feeling bubbling inside of him. That’s not fair, Renjun thinks. Renjun has known Mark longer than Donghyuck has. Why does Donghyuck get to be so close?  
At eight years old, Renjun learned what jealousy felt like. It's monstrous and it tears him apart. 

“Hyuck, please don’t tell me that’s me, I’m not that ugly” Mark cackles. It takes only a second for Jeno to come to Donghyuck's aid. 

“Be quiet Mark Lee, you are even uglier than that!” Jeno yells from across the cabin, rushing over to Donghyuck. Poor, Jeno. He probably had the best intentions to defend Donghyuck’s honour. Poor, stupid, Jeno. Renjun hates that he feels happy when Mark teases Donghyuck. It gives him hope and assurance that maybe Mark doesn't really like Donghyuck after all. That hope lasts for the shortest of moments when he realises that it’s probably the opposite. 

He thinks back to the moment when he asked Mark if he loved Donghyuck. Renjun knew Mark too well, he knew exactly what the hot headed nine-year-old Mark would say. Renjun wanted Donghyuck to hear those words too. 

Renjun remembers the way Mark's hands balled up into tight fists, his shoulders tense and face flushed red. 

"No one could possibly fall in love with a person like Donghyuck" Mark spat out. 

Everyone quickly turned to Hyuck, shocked to see Lee Donghyuck the cry baby of the group, lift his head up with a broken smile on his face. An eight-year-old Donghyuck who’s heart visibly shattered in front of his four best friends and the love of his life.  
Before Mark could take those ugly words back Donghyuck had bolted out. Renjun recalls the twisted, triumphant smile that fell on his own face. The memory that haunts him 10 years later, still to this day, making him dizzy and nauseous. 

Jeno was the one to run after Hyuck first, but not before throwing a hard punch on Mark's shoulder with a vicious glare. Lee Jeno who always wanted to be Hyuck’s knight in shiny armour, because he never could be Hyuck’s Prince Charming, a role that was filled by Mark before Jeno has ever had the chance. Lucas was the next to run out of the cabin, long legs and long strides and loud bellows of Donghyuck's name. 

It was just Mark, Jaemin and Renjun left now. He looks pitiful, Renjun thinks as he watches Mark standing numbly letting the guilt consume him. Jaemin's sigh cuts through their silence.  
"Go and apologise Mark" Jaemin says wearily. He directs his words at Mark but his stare never leaves Renjun. Renjun guesses that he should be feeling guilty too. 

"I will" Mark stumbles over his words, his want to cry but he doesn't deserve to, not when he is the one who hurt Donghyuck. "I will do it tomorrow" 

That tomorrow never came. 

If he hadn’t asked Mark that stupid question Donghyuck wouldn't have ran out, hastily escaping from embarrassment and heartbreak . If Renjun hadn’t asked that question Donghyuck wouldn’t have taken the shortcut home, across the slippery rocks that cut through the river, with tears blurring his eyes and Mark's words ringing in his ears. 

If it wasn’t for him and his stupid ugly jealousy, Donghyuck would still be alive today, Renjun thinks as he watches Mark leave the convenience store with two bags full of Donghyuck’s favourite snacks, talking and smiling fondly at the empty space beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !! this is my first time writing and its going to be non chronological and a whole mess i apologise in advance T^T 
> 
> please leave any comments here in my cc's  
> https://curiouscat.me/injeolmini
> 
>  
> 
> or visit me on twitter!  
> https://twitter.com/injeolmini 
> 
> any feedback at all would be super appreciated thank ! !


	3. Jeno's Full Sun Haechannie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One summer day Jeno Lee meets Mark for the first time in 10 years.

Summer used to be Jeno's favourite season, because it was Hyuck's favourite. 

Summer is when he gets to see the radiant smile that spreads wide across Hyuck’s face, soft dimples dotting his cheeks, when Jeno offers to buy his favourite ice-cream. 

Summer is when he gets to hear Hyuck's bubbling laughter, a melody echoing through the trees as they ran along the riverbank. 

He remembers the way sunlight made Donghyuck's skin glow, more dazzling than ever and the way the water droplets made his skin sparkle. The 8-year-old Jeno didn’t know what love was but he knew he wanted to see this sight of Hyuck in front of him for the rest of his life. 

He never had the chance.

“Haechan!” Jeno suddenly exclaimed as they walked hand in hand back home, after getting their favourite ice cream from the convenience store. It’s times like these where he feels the happiest, times where he is the only one beside his Hyuckie. “I think Haechan is a name that suits you! Shine bright uprightly, our full sun Haechannie!” Donghyuck’s hand feels sweaty and sticky in his and he couldn't be happier. 

Ah, it’s that smile again. That signature Donghyuck smile that blankets warmth all over him and makes his heart do a thousand loops. 

“I love it Jeno!” Donghyuck replies, his eyes sparkling with joy and Jeno’s feels like his world is spinning on his Haechannie’s rotation. Jeno bites into his ice cream to stop himself from smiling any wider, his cheeks are beginning to hurt. He winces as he chews into a piece of corn. Who invented corn ice cream anyways? He must admit the shape is cute but which executive approved the decision of incorporating real chunks of corn into vanilla ice cream, Jeno wants to have a talk with them. 

He sighs as he takes another bite, if it’s Hyuck’s favourite then it needs to be his too. 

“Do you know why I love this ice cream so much Jeno?”  
“It reminds me of you. It’s kinda weird and a little bit plain but it’s so so sweet, and always full of surprises” 

Jeno regrets looking beside him at Donghyuck because when he does he feels all the air being knocked out of his lungs. Eight-year-old Jeno didn't really know what love was but he was sure that falling in love shouldn’t be this painful. Donghyuck is so easy to love, he is constantly surrounded by friends who love him, Jeno isn't special. But these moments that they share are special. They are the most precious treasures to Jeno. No one else but the two of them and their secret corn ice creams. 

The shrill of the school bell interrupts his thoughts. 

Jeno tells himself it’s time to move on now, it's been 10 years, it’s not normal to love someone who has passed for so long, it’s not healthy. But how can he move on when each summer passes he feels more and more empty.

It’s been 10 years since he has heard from Mark Lee.

So, when Mark approaches him at the school gate with Hyuck's old picture diary in his hands, he didn’t think twice about throwing the first punch.  
Or the second when Mark tells him that Donghyuck is standing here, right next to them.  
Or the third when Mark says that Hyuck needs their help to pass on and go to heaven. 

It took both Lucas and Jaemin to pull Jeno away. He sees Renjun rushing to pick Mark up from the ground. Why is it always Mark, why is it that only Mark gets to see Donghyuck. That's not fair, it’s unfair when he is the one who has loved Donghyuck the longest, the hardest. 

“Hyuck wanted me to give you this,” Mark stumbles his words out, taking a corn ice-cream out from the plastic bag. “He says sorry that he never paid you back for all the ice cream, and sorry he made you eat it even though you didn't like it, because it was always on a 2 for 1 deal. He says sorry, and he says thank you.” 

Jeno won’t let mark have the satisfaction of being special to Hyuck. So, he lets himself believe that Donghyuck is standing right next to him. Jeno lets himself pretend that he can see Donghyuck too. He can’t let Mark win again this time. 

Jeno turns to the vacant space beside him,  
“Haechannie, it’s good to see you again” he chokes out.


	4. Last Train Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck wakes up as an eighteen year old self and it's Mark in front of his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjvK8OAGU7I

Donghyuck remembers clumsily slipping on the slanted rock, falling backwards head bumping hard against the jagged surface. It all happened so fast. He remembers feeling so cold as the water pushes past and over him. He hears the rushing river, the noisy cicadas and Lucas’s frantic voice shouting out his name. His world was blurring, but he can make out Lucas's figure rushing towards him, tripping and stumbling a few times before landing by his side. He has never seen him so pale and so scared. Lucas looks so ugly when he cries. He wants to reach out and comfort him and wipe away the tears from his face, but for some reason he can’t move.

The world turns silent. He feels his eyelids getting heavy.  
When finally closes his eyes and opens them again, it’s Mark in front of him.

Mark is sleeping there with a frown on his face, but it isn't the nine year old Mark that he knows. He looks much older now. Donghyuck carefully lifts his finger to gently smooth out the wrinkles between his eyebrows. Strange, he can’t feel anything.

"You will get permanent wrinkles if you keep frowning likes this" Donghyuck whispers, surprised that his voice sounds much lower than he is used to.

Mark stirs awake and slowly opens his eyes. Hyuck makes quick observations about the new, mature Mark in front of him, his eyes look so sad and tired, he has dark circles and eye bags now, his hair is messy and his cheek bones are sharper. He must have not been eating and sleeping well. It takes several blinks and eye rubs for Mark to finally recognise him.

"Hyuck" A sob bubbles from Mark’s lips "Donghyuck..." Mark reaches for him with trembling hands. Hyuck doesn’t feel his touch or his warmth as Mark's hands pass straight through him.

So, I’m dead huh. Donghyuck humours to himself.

“Mark, I’m hungry” were the first three words Donghyuck whispers to Mark, after 10 years.

 

 

"Can ghosts get stomach aches?" Mark watches Hyuck scoff down the fifth chocopie.

"I don’t know Mark we might find out soon enough" Donghyuck retorts, staring unchallengingly into Mark’s eyes as he reaches for a sixth chocopie. It was strange seeing the grown up Hyuck in front of him. The cute, lovable chubby cheeked Donghyuck has matured handsomely. But it’s still the same Hyuck he loved, the same droopy eyes and boyish smile.

“Stop staring at me like that, I know I’m handsome but show some restraint Mark Lee”  
Mark chokes on his chocopie, the Hyuck he knew years ago wouldn’t be this snarky, the soft gentle Hyuck who cried whenever Mark teased him.

“Death really changes you huh” Mark mumbles out before he can stop himself.

He has done it again, let his mouth run without a second thought. He winces and looks to Donghyuck, apology ready at the tip of his tongue, but it doesn’t come. Hyuck burst out a light bubbling laugh. Mark wishes his mind had a device to record this so he can keep it with him forever. 10 years ago, he could never have imagined he would see Hyuck again, when was the last time they had spoken? Mark’s fond smile slowly slips from his face.

Ah.

_No one could possibly fall in love with a person like Donghyuck_

Those words.

"Hyuck...what are you doing here?"

The sudden question made it difficult for Hyuck to swallow, so he gulps down the entire mouthful of chocopie all in one go. Donghyuck vowels to haunt Mark forever if he gets indigestion.

"I dont know" Hyuck answers truthfully to Mark like he has done all his life. He recalls the time when they linked pinky fingers together and swore to always only tell the truth to each other.

Pinky promises are the most sacred vowels. Mark broke that promise when he announced to the world that he didn't love Donghyuck.

Maybe that’s why I’m here, Donghyuck thinks to himself, to haunt Mark for an eternity because Mark broke their pinky promise. But he shouldn’t, Johnny always told him to go easy on Mark, to forgive him because Mark doesn't really mean to hurt his feelings when he teases him, that Mark just wants some attention, that Mark really loves him with all this heart, despite his actions.

“Johnny hyung...It’s been ten years, right? Jisung must have grown too, he always loved drinking milk, wow I wonder how tall he is now” His voice is shaky, warm tears blurring his vision. Ah. He is going to cry again. Mark will tease him for being a cry baby again. “I want to see them. Johnny hyung and Jisunggie, I want to see them again.”


	5. Circle Game

When Jisung returns home from school, once again he is greeted by the sound of Jjampong sizzling in the kitchen. He sets down his bag by the TV and watches as Johnny brings a bowl over and places it in front of Donghyuck's smiling face.

The picture in the frame hasn't been changed in 10 years.  
The first bowl always goes to his dead brother.

Jisung knows that Johnny only cooks Jjampong when he misses Donghyuck, it was Donghyuck's favourite, which is why they have been eating the same dish every day for the past two weeks. He has resorted to stealing Chenle’s vegetables at lunch time to make up for any nutritional deficit. Jisung wasn’t going to mention anything until he heard Johnny speak to Donghyuck again.

“Hyuck-ah. Hyung made your favourite dish again. Sorry I might have added a bit too much salt this time. But, I bought the seafood fresh from the market this morning, so I hope that makes up for it.” Johnny pushes the bowl closer to Donghyuck’s picture frame. Steam slowly fogging over the glass.

“Dead people can’t talk, Johnny hyung. They can’t eat either” Jisung says, he doesn't know why he even bothers.

This isn’t the first time they have had this conversation. “Don’t say that about your brother Jisung,” Johnny scolds him weakly, “Donghyuck was always a bit scatter brained, honestly he might not have even figured out he isn’t alive anymore” Johnny forces out weary laugh. 

Even after 10 years, after all the suffering Donghyuck has put them through, Jisung can’t really hate him. Not when he remembers how much Donghyuck loved him. His precious brother who excitedly measures his height against the wall every single morning without missing a day, Donghyuck who always secretly slips his own banana milk into Jisung’s school bag because it was Jisung’s favourite, Donghyuck who runs to the local library, spending all his pocket money to laminate Jisung’s drawings on Saturdays, who cuddles Jisung through thunderstorms, pushes Jisung on the swing for hours without complaining about his arms getting sore, Donghyuck loved Jisung so incredibly much and Jisung would never forget this.

But it has been 10 years.  
There is a bitter feeling that consumes him, one that he tries to suppress with all his strength, one that resents Donghyuck for leaving them behind. It was what Donghyuck was best at.

Jisung remembers those summer days when Donghyuck rushes to the front door, hastily putting on his sneakers, another Super! Peace Bros adventure awaits him. “Jisunggie you gotta watch over the house okay?” Donghyuck runs his hands through Jisung’s hair. Because the riverbank is too dangerous for six-year-old little Jisung, so he gets left behind.

“Hey, Johnny hyung.” Jisung sits next to Johnny, looking at Donghyuck’s picture on the cabinet. “Do you know how tall I am? I’ve grown a lot this year. Have you even noticed?”

You still have one left you know, I’m your little brother too. Jisung wants to tell him. But Johnny won’t reply to him, he wouldn't even turn to look at him. Suddenly Jisung isn’t that hungry anymore, the familiar smell of Jjampong suffocates and nauseates him, so picks up his bag and he bolts into his room, slamming the door shut.

 

Jisung is 16 years old this year, Donghyuck calculates, he has already surpassed Donghyuck's height. Donghyuck is proud of himself for all the times he gave Jisung his own banana milk. Donghyuck follows Jisung up the stairs and floats into his room. He watches silently as his little brother sobs into his pillow. His body shaking as he tries to keep quiet. Donghyuck reaches out to hold him in his arms but he just passes right through. He has never felt so helpless before. Donghyuck feels tears pool in his eyes. He can't cry. He already cried too much today, if he cries anymore his eyes will be swollen in the morning and Mark would tease him again.

So Donghyuck looks up and tries his best to blink away the tears before they fall. Until his eyes land on a laminated paper stuck high on the ceiling, right above Jisung's pillow. It was Donghyuck's favourite drawing by Jisung, a messy crayon sketch of a happy Donghyuck hand in hand with a happy Jisung. It's what Jisung looks at first thing when he wakes up, it's what that Jisung looks at in the last moments of the day before he falls asleep, every single day for the past 10 years.

Donghyuck breaks down and shatters. There is no one to hear his desperate cries, so he lets go and cries and cries and cries until he is gasping for more air. He crawls onto Jisung's bed and lies beside him, trying his best to cradle him like before.

"Hyung! This is a drawing of us when you walk me to my primary school for my first day!" 6 year old Jisung beams up at Donghyuck, who gasps dramatically at the masterpiece.  
"Jisunggie it's amazing! I'm gonna take it to the library to laminate it right away to so I can keep it forever!" Donghyuck tries to carry Jisung in his arms lifting him off the ground, but they are nearing the same height now so he stumbles a bit before setting a giggly Jisung down.

Jisung never did attend the first day of primary school. He couldn't miss his brother's funeral.


End file.
